Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Changes (Like The 2Pac Song)

Has rap changed or have I changed?
This is the question that I have been asking myself lately as I try to come to terms with the fact that I absolutely hate every hip-hop album that has dropped so far this year.
Is it just an off year? Have the planets aligned themselves in such a way that every artist I care about is on a 2011 sabbatical, in which case I should also be on a 2011 sabbatical from hip hop?
I suppose a more fair question would be: Do I care about hip hop still?
Well, the answer is yes, or else I wouldnt be so pissed off about the lack of quality jams being thrown my way. I'll admit that I was just as hyped up about Watch The Throne as the next guy before it came out. Jay-Z and Kanye on the same album, mixing it up? Can't miss it. And then I download it and the two of them basically shot jizz in my eyes and said your welcome at the same time. What an indulgent piece of shit. If I wanted to hear someone rap about how rich they are for 60 minutes, I'll go put Deion Sanders "Must Be The Money" on repeat and cry for an hour.
Would it be too much to ask for a beat that makes me nod my head?
Would it be too much to ask for a verse that makes me ponder the mysteries of life?
Would it be too much too ask for a producer to shut the fuck up while recording a song?
All of these wonderful things are happening.
15 years ago.
What what Tribe have done?
Probably stay broken up.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

If Jesus Made A Mixtape

2 days ago, as I was drinking my fourth cup of coffee and the caffeine in my body was rising up for a revolt, I had a momentous daydream. I was swimming in the lost city of Atlantis with Katy Perry and Andrew Dice Clay, when I suddenly thought to myself," If Jesus ever made a mixtape, I wonder what would be on it?". It was a simple enough question, but when I awoke from my daydream to "let the dogs out", I couldnt stop thinking about it.
What the French would Jesus put on a mixtape? And, furthermore, who would he be giving it to? Because, y'know, that pretty much decides the content of the mixtape. Would he be making a mix for his dad? Or maybe a lady friend?
These are questions that I could never really know the answer to, so I decided that he would be giving the mixtape to Moses, in a Ten Commandments/manifesto type of thing. He would be giving his Jesus/FDA stamp of approval to a mix of classics.
Now, these couldn't be just any old songs. We are talking about a mythical "greatest songs ever" compilation, worthy of the man himself, or "The Jeez" as his friends call him.( Nobody calls him that, just go with it.) And it would also be a little redundant if these were "the greatest songs written about religion", y'know? "The Jeez" already knows how awesome he is, he doesnt need a mixtape singing his praises too.
So what is on this mixtape, you ask? Well, that is the tricky part. I would probably put all of my favorite songs on the mix, and then tell you that they are the greatest songs ever, as approved by The Jeez, but that wouldn't work. That is what everyone would do actually. make it fair, I've compiled a list of songs so GIGANTIC that only The Jeez could have had a hand in their production. Here we go.
I'm just kidding. There is no way that I can make a mixtape that would do The Jeez justice. Plus, I'm pretty sure that it would just be an ironic mixtape with songs like "Just Like Heaven" and "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now on it". I just wanted to get your wheels spinning and see what your idea of a Jesus helmed mixtape would be.
Obviously, it would be awesome. Any ideas? I have plenty.....
El Rey